Book Trailer The Noble Train

Friday, September 19, 2014

How To Be A Real Santa

First pull a second mortgage on your house. Also an attorney because your wife will divorce you once you destroy your house and blow all your money. Then hire a movie director to orchestrate the special effects and then hire ten reindeer. Now you have to get the reindeer up on your roof so you will need two monster wooden ramps so they can enter the roof and then leave it. Now you need to reinforce the roof to hold about six thousand pounds and you might have to level it or the reindeer will slip off and fall to the ground and you will have to pay the man you rented them from for ten dead reindeer.

Now you need at least three industrial snow machines because mother nature can not be depended on. And you will need fog machines to hide the technicians who will be running the snow machines and the digital projectors. Oh right the digital projectors will be used to beam an image of you and your reindeer flying through space and this will be projected on smoke. Now all you have to is get down your chimney.

So you have to get your chimney enlarged to fit you and your presents. Then you will need mountaineers to lower you down the chimney and pull you back up. You should have two Santa Suits because creosote will turn you black and you don't want to be a minstrel Santa. When you return to the top of the chimney all you have to do is get the reindeer off the roof through fog and manufactured snow in the dead of night. And say a few HO HO HOs while you are doing it because your daughter is videotaping you.

Real Santa

Books by William Hazelgrove