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Friday, October 26, 2012

Meatloaf is Supporting Romney

What is the world coming to? When Meatloaf goes over to the other side and says we have to elect Romney because he will stand up to the Russians then something is very wrong in Whoville. The Loaf of Meat is my buddy from adolescent days and many nights in cornfields where  paradise was truly by the dashboard light. And who can forget his sweaty visage as he belted out I want to go right now and then exploded into the duet with the woman who made The Loaf look sexy even though he was a  big man who had managed to mint a mega selling album (Bat of Hell) of adolescent cheese.

But now Meatloaf has gone to the dark side and I will not listen to his album again. Nope. Unh uh. Not going to do it. He has tarnished my teenage memories and I will disavow ever listening to The Loaf while cruising the autumnal back roads of small towns. Because the Loaf of Meat has shown that behind those pimply lyrics loomed a moron that still thinks the cold war is going on. The Loaf stood with Romney at an event and waved to the crowd. The irony that  someone like Mitt never saw paradise by the dashboard light, more like naughty pictures in Mormon Central.

Because The Loaf was all about those secret moments of adolescent romanticism and every song dripped with sap and hormones, but now we see that it was all a sham. The heartfelt belting sweat man of enormous girth was nothing more than a plutocrat in training. A man more concerned with his pocketbook than with the dreams of his fans who know nothing of the one percent. Because The Loaf sang for the middle class. Because Paradise by the Dashboard light is a middle class dream of a boy and a girl in their Chevy or Buick or Ford...finding out the great secret.

And now we know what it was. The Loaf of Meat was just another phony bastard. That's it. I'm resigning from the Meatloaf fan club right now! I pluck out thy Meatloaf because he does offend me. Take that Loaf of Meat.

Books by William Hazelgrove