Book Trailer The Noble Train

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Romney from the viewpoint of Seamus the dog

Yeah. He put me up on the roof and I rode all the way to Canada! Seamus the Irish Setter here who boldly went where no dog had gone before and lived to tell about it! The whole thing he said about the crate being sealed is a bunch of bull. So there is Mitt and his wife and five kids in the station wagon while I'm up in the slip stream while Mitt balls along at seventy sometimes eighty miles an hour. Go stick your head out your car window and go seventy miles an hour and you'll know what it's like. You get bugs in your mouth and your ears and you cant hear a thing because the wind is blasting through those air holes like bullets and whistling like a Stuka dive bomber.

The worst thing is my stomach did not dig the whole riding in a wind tunnel thing. The  temperature dropped down to like forty at night and so I opened my mouth a few times to try and stop the air because the wind chill was like zero. Well all the air blew right through me and the diarrhea blasted out the back. So now I'm in my crate going seventy miles an hour and I'm freezing and there is crap everywhere. Not fun folks. Not fun. So you know what old Mitt does when we stop? He hoses me down at the gas station! Nice guy, right? Then he sticks me back in the crate!

So now I turn into a block of ice. I mean the water froze and  my teeth are chattering while Mitt is singing away with his family  in the wagon all nice and warm. What a dope. This is not a guy who gets it. I mean I am the family dog right? Mans best friend and this guy doesn't give a thought that it may not be the greatest thing in the world to stick a dog up on top of your station wagon for eight hours while you blast down the highway between seimis and go under bridges that look like they are going to take your head off. He just doesn't get it, because he's inside, sipping his Starbucks, Latte, thinking about being President someday.

So anyway. I survived to tell the tale. But here is the thing. I can't vote. Pity right? But you can. Let me ask you a question, do you want a guy who would strap you to the roof of a station wagon and let you shit everywhere and then wash you down with a hose and stick you back up there to freeze your you know whats off.I wouldn't. The guy has no sense of anybody but himself. How would Mitt like it if someone put him on the roof and hosed him down. You know what Mr. Empathy said to me when we finally got to Canda? How'd you like your ride boy? He's asking that to a dog with his hair plastered back like a jet engine just blasted him in the face! I got to tell you...sometimes I really wish I could talk.


Books by William Hazelgrove