Book Trailer The Noble Train

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Republican Debate From the Viewpoint of the dog and the coyote

The Dog
You know I really think Mitt could have done better if he just didn't strap me to the roof of his car and drive to Canada. Hasn't he heard about the SPCA? I'm a dog! I'm not that dead grandmother in National Lampoons Vacation although Mitt does seem a lot like Chevy Chase now that I think about it. But it's no wonder he looked kind of wimpy next to the Coyote killer from Texas. A man who would strap a dog to the roof of the family car can't be expected to be the great defender of Social Security. He sure wimped out of that one. He didn't call it a ponzi scheme but he didnt' defend it either.

The problem with a guy like Mitt is that he saw nothing wrong with putting me on the roof and letting me end up with bugs in my teeth and my ears permanently blown back. When we got to Canada he's like, how'd you like the ride Rover? Imagine what a guy like that will do to the American people? He just doesn't get it. He thinks it's perfectly fine for a dog to inhale a seventy mile an hour wind for six hours! So I looked like someone had just blown back my hair with a blast furnace. To Mitt everything was just fine. You know why? Because he rode in the nice warm car below while I froze my tail off! Is that the kind of guy you want for your President? Woof.

The Coyote:

That aint nothing.  Let me ask you this: what kind of a guy goes jogging with a .380 Ruger with hollow point bullets? Think about that one. Let's see sweats, socks, tennis shoes, headband, IPOD, Ruger. Come on. Somebody with some serious issues carries a gun when they for their workout. Can anybody say PARANOID. PSYCHO. WACJOB. I can because I'm the one that he shot at! First of all let me say for the record that wasn't his puppy I was sniffing after. And secondly what business was it of his. In fact I was just walking across the field to see what all the commotion was when BLAM BLAM BLAM. I look up and see this WAC JOB in a powder blue workout suit with those over sized headphones like out of that movie Starsky and Hutch, unloading like' John Wayne.

This is a residential neighborhood and the guy is shooting up the place like it's the OK Corral. Do you really want a guy to be your President who packs when he goes for his morning jog? Or starts shooting at some innocent Coyote because I was crossing a field and there happens to be a puppy on the other side? Imagine what this guy would do to people who need a little extra help though hard times. BLAM BLAM BLAM. That'll take care of them. I mean and then the guy reloads and fires another full clip at me! Yeesh. Come on. Is that normal? Do you want some psycho in a powder blue workout suit with headphones listening to Yanni blasting away at your dog? Because I could have been your dog, we look about the same.

Anyway. I don't. And he wont get my vote or any other Coyotes. And as far as that puppy is concerned. It turned out he was stuffed animal someone left in their garbage. Mr. Secessionist  didn't tell you that one did he? Mr. Powder Puff protecting Snoopy from the big bad Wile E Coyote. Give me a break. I'm telling you and you heard it here first, you dont' want this guy for your President. Because this guy is straight out nuts!
Rocket Man

Books by William Hazelgrove