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Friday, June 24, 2011

Why Palin Cancelled her Bus Tour

All vacations turn into a drag eventually. You get tired of the driving and and time starts to drag and if you are a kid you were never down with it in the first place. But lets say you painted up a bus with a bunch of cheesy Americana with a Constitution and a flag and your name and you drove this big goofy bus across the country and stopped in every backwater conservative Christian coalition flag waving tea party drinking dew wop truck stops along the way and then you said Paul Revere was British or he wanted us to have guns while you ate some bad food and everyone said you were a moron and then started to follow your painted up bus with your kids and your unemployed know what? You might want to cancel the rest of your vacation.

And what if you had a hard time finishing things. Like your job. Lets say you were addicted to attention but you don't like people saying you are a moron and you only want to talk to people who think you are smart. First of all you have to make sure you find the most uneducated people in America which is really hard. You head for people without teeth who live in super rural areas who don't care if you say refudiate or if you call the President a terrorist or a socialist and they don't care if your husband is the First Dude of nothing and if you are really a walking cash machine cheesing out on cheap media thill rides.

And who wants to ride around in a bus? You got to pump out the the toilet. It kind of gets gnarly after a few weeks on the road with Cheeseits and potato chips in the carpet and maybe somebody didn't flush or Levi left some of his girly magazines around and you just get pretty tired of driving this gas guzzling billboard for everythign that is wrong in America after a while. The whole thing starts to feel like a trip to Dolly wood or Wally world or Disney world where the tackiness of American culture collides with commerce and you start to feel like one of those bobbled heads you can get at Graceland of Elvis Presley.

So you cancel the tour. And you return to Facebook. See, you don't have to go anywhere and you can post something about the lamestream media and get your media thrill ride without somebody asking you about Paul Revere. Let's face it, family vacations are hell.
Rocket Man will blast off in July

Books by William Hazelgrove