Book Trailer For Madam President

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A Beer with the President


Alright. First of all I want to thank everyone for coming...Professor Gates, Sergent Crowley. I think having a beer in the Rose Garden is very appropriate and I thank both of you for joining me. Professor I think wearing your Academic gown is very appropriate with your honorary degrees around your neck.
Thank you Mr. President.
And Sergeant Crowley, I think being in full uniform is very befitting this occasion as well.
Thank you Mr. President.
Now I ordered the type of beer I think would fit every one's needs and wants. Professor Gates, I have a Colt 45 for you as befitting a man of your stature and race. And Sargent Crowley, I have a Budweiser for you as I know that is the beer a working man likes. And for myself, I have a Summer Shandy which is beer mixed with lemonade, which befits my background--sort of a yuppie I don't want to get my hands dirty, beer.
So before we get to those beers. I think we should clear the air. I will begin. First let me say, that I never said the police were stupid as law enforcement has to be smart, up to date and efficient. So I just want to say, I will never use the word stupid in conjunction with the police again and I want to apologize again for any misunderstanding of my use of that word. Now I want both of you to make a statement. Professor Gates why don't you stand up and begin.
Metals clanking.
Thank you. Mr. President. I would like to say that I will always cooperate with law enforcement and would never even think of saying something like I'll talk to your mama outside when asked to step outside. I apologize for any misunderstanding.
Alright. Sergent Crowley. Why don't you make an air clearing statement.
Crowley jumps and salutes.
Yes sir. First of all I'd like to say that I always treat African Americans like everyone else and I will always identify the reason for asking someone to identify themselves in their own home. I too apologize for any misunderstanding.
Ok. Great. Now. Let's get to those beers. Hmm...appears these aren't twist off caps.
Sergent Crowley stands.
If I may be of some assistance...hmm...you are right sir.
No matter. I will just go in and get us a church key...bottle opener. Ha Ha...I'll be right back gentlemen...hmm...that's funny. The door seems to be stuck. No no....I've got it. Let me just use my body to get it...Professor Gates if you could assist me in pushing this door?
Gladly Mr. President.
Ummmph Ummph...look Professor, lets both use our bodies to try and unstick it.
Yes sir.
Radio hissing.
Sergent Crowley...we have a report of two men who might or might not be black depending upon the caller trying to break into the White House. They are battering a door with their bodies.
Crowley snaps up his radio.
10-4 I see the perpetrators. May I see some identification from you two gentlemen.
The President turns from the door.
What...Sergent Crowley give us a hand with this door will you?
I need you men to step away from the door.
Professor Gates shakes his head.
I told you he's nuts, Mr. President.
The President stands up.
Sergent Crowley...what are you talking about?
Crowley touches his gun.
I need you two gentleman to step away from the door!
Gates waves his arm.
Only way I'll step away form the door for your sorry ass is to talk to your mama!
Let me handle this Gates....Sergent. We just had a discussion about this very thing--
Pulling out his service revolver.
I need to see some identification!
Gates puts on a graduation cap.
Your mama Crowley! I aint showing you nothin! Do you know who I am?
Hold on Gates...Crowley. I am your President. You know this. I will not show you identification.
Turn around and put your hands on your head!
Crowley...put away that gun!
Gates spreads his academic gown.
Go ahead and fire Crowley...I now you are itching too shoot a black man!
Crowley...are you really handcuffing the President of the United States?
Professor Gates shakes his head.
You are a bigger fool than your mama, Crowley.
You put your hands on your head!
He cuffs Gates.
I have the possible maybe perpetrators in handcuffs...they created a disturbance. All under control.
You have the right to remain silent....if you give up the right to remain silent--
The President shakes his head.
Crowley! Hold on! Have you lost your mind?
Probably came from a racist mama, Mr. President.
Crowley! What grounds are you arresting us on?
We had a report of two men breaking into the White House sir. I am taking the necessary procedural Standard Operating Procedure in dealing with this standard situation.
Crowley! You know who I am! I am the President! This is where I live!
I don't know that sir.
Yes you do! My God man...I invited you over here. We are going to have a beer...I'm the President!
You could be an impostor sir.
What!
Gates shakes his head.
The man is fried Mr. President.
Crowley..take thise handcuffs off right now!
No can do sir. Not until I ascertain your identities.
Crowley...you have lost your mind? I mean how stupid are you?

Books by William Hazelgrove