Book Trailer For Madam President

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A GD Insurance Salesman


The sky is falling. AIG COULD TANK! The government is tossing in another thirty billion but the chairman says that is a pittance. He reckons (folksy) that it would probably take about 300 billion to keep them afloat. Just a mere three hundred billion and even then he doesn't know if that is enough. So right now every man woman and child is on the hook for fourteen hundred bucks on the AIG Bailout. In other words we own AIG. My mother in law reeled in horror when I said I was going to earn some extra money by selling insurance: "A Goddamn insurance salesman," she fumed. Well that says it all doesn't it. You know those guys who bet against you. When you die they might pay off. When you get sick they don't pay off. When you get a ticket your rates go up. When you go to the doctor your rates go up or if something is wrong or they drop you. Or your kid goes to the doctor and they claim a preexisting condition from five years before and so we aren't going to pay for the treatment thank you very much. They are the same guys that debit your account every month for insurance that does NOTHING. If your house burns down, if your car crashes, if you get sick, if you die, if someone sues you, if lightning strikes...if, if, if, if, if...then they may or may not payoff. And if there is a loophole they will find it. I'm sorry that insurance only covered you if you the car hit you but you caused the accident. SORRY. Oh and by the way, we dropped you. Oh, you didn't go to traffic school and now you have a ticket. SORRY. We just doubled your rates and it doesn't matter that you had a perfect driving record--We need more money to insure your sorry ass OR ELSE! Else? That's right pal, you will be UNINSURED. Oh, you mean like the millions of people who can't get health insurance. Oh right. THOSE PEOPLE. By all means insure me, let's see, I'll take an umbrella policy, a life insurance policy, a health policy, a homeowners policy, a car insurance policy, and throw in a renter policy just to be on the safe side. THANK GOD I AM INSURED! Oh, by the way, you know all that money you have been giving us for twenty years--WE LOST IT! Whoops. Threw it away on derivatives. And here's the kicker. The CEO of forty years is now suing us! The nerve of this guy. He says we didn't tell him we were broke when he cashed out and became our biggest shareholder. Hey, you FD up pal...you TRUSTED US. Sucker. They say one is born every minute. But ..listen....ha ha...we need three hundred billion just to stay afloat because if you let us go baby then we all go! KABOOM. Game over! So don't even think about the way we have ripped you off for years because if we go then the economy is TOAST. So...now you are all stockholders. That's right. We are all in this boat together and we sink or swim. So there you have it, now whose the Goddamn insurance salesman? Huh?

Books by William Hazelgrove